I would strongly suggest you look at this video link on Alec Baldwin talking about the phenomenon of parental alienation. Parental alienation is a real threat to stability and happiness in the lives of children.
Good post from dead broke dad. A good site too.
http://deadbrokedad.ning.com/video/alec-baldwin-on-parental
Whatever about your personal differences, even if it is the other persons fault, put kids first. Do not use your children or your partners children as a weapon. They deserve better! Kids are like sponges and will absord all the hurt and grief. That is something you do not want on your conscience. Remember kids will in the long run love you more if you are the positive one…Collaborative law puts children first.
Going to court to fight a family law case is not a pretty experience for everyone. It can cost you money and leave people hurting. Worst of all children can suffer more than the parties themselves. People owe it to themselves to find a better way. Collaborative law and mediation offer people that better way to a non-contentious, better Divorce. Posturing and name-calling are sure fire ways to drive up legal costs.
In collaborative law and mediation alike it is important that the surroundings are kept positive.
Meetings should be conducted in bright, airy and comfortable surroundings. Dark rooms and small spaces can lead to people feeling proximate to the problems and pressured. It is prefereable to conduct mediation and collaborative law sessions in bright rooms with comfortable surroundings.
Perhaps put some fruit or drinks on the table for the parties before the meeting starts! Check with the clients to see if they are comfortable during the meeting. It all adds up to success.
One of the key positive points in Mediation is the ability to confide personal private information in the mediator. For example, if there is something that you believe the mediator needs to know, that you do not want your spouse to know, you can tell the mediator.
The mediator can be mindful of this issue and steer the talks in a particular direction without compromising your confidentiality on that point.
The difference between Mediation and Arbitration????
Date: Sunday May 31, 2009Posted in: Uncategorized
Many people get confused between mediation and arbitration. Mediation is a process whereby a third party or parties engages two or more sides to a dispute in constructive dialogue with a view to resolving a dispute.
Arbitration is also a means of ADR or Alternaive dispute Resolution. The primary difference between the two methods is as follows. The mediator helps the two sides reach a decision themselves and does not reach a judgement or decision on behalf of the parties to a dispute. The arbitrator however, evaluates both sides to a dispute and reaches a decision on behalf of the parties. Both mediation and arbitration are seen as quicker and sometimes cheaper means of settling disputes rather than going to court.
Some people who are incapable of facing the other pary in the same room in collaborative law can avail of mediation as an alternative. The parties can still focus on positive settlement options whilst remaining in separate rooms with their advisors.
Divorce Coaches can be used by parties in the collaborative Law Process. Eirhter one coach can act for both parties or each party can retain their own coach. Coaches facilitate the parties in dealing with the process and eachother. They can enable parties to manage their emotions and deal with the process. Many collaborative law coaches are fully trained therapists. Parties can meet with their coaches outside of the collaborative law meetings. Likewise if the parties agree their coaches can be present at the collaborative law meetings.
TAKE A BREAK – TAKE A HOLIDAY
If the stress at home is getting too much why not go stay with friends and family for a while. Getting away can release steam from the situation. Perhaps you should plan forward and book a holiday for yourself and the children to let the stress out of the situation.
BEWARE OF WHO ADVISES YOU.
In all my years I have yet to come across one piece of family law advice that someone picked up from a friend, colleague, at work or in a bar that was true and accurate. I still wait for that day to arrive and when it arrives I will celebrate. Take everything friends, family and even people who have been through the family law process tell you with a massive pinch of salt. Why?
They mean well but sometimes the mission objective can get lost in translation.
Third party views are second hand information. It will be “THEIR” version of events. Inevitably and almost in all scenarios the detail is lost in translation. For some reason human experience of traumatic events leads us to paint the account in one direction. Even the most objective people find it hard to tell the wood from the trees in family law.
You can take the most intelligent, most reasonable and most honest group of people and ask them to recount a traumatic event in their life. The will focus in on the details that were real to them but inevitably due to human nature it will be an incomplete version of events. The only person who should truly remain objective is the lawyer.
GETTING TO THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL
Date: Wednesday April 22, 2009Posted in: Uncategorized
GETTING TO THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL
How will you appear to those around you at the end of the family law process? Someone who fought needlessly and caused needless aggravation? Or somebody who went the extra distance as a person to find a solution.
One day when the adult child of a separating couple stopped me in the street. He recognised me from being introduced by his mother some years before. He said he knew his dad had given his mum the vast majority of the assets and that the marriage breakdown had hurt him bad. But that his mother was grateful for what his father done and their relationship was now somewhat better now.
The other children all were proud of the fact that despite he had ended the marriage he still took the responsibility to make sure his wife was looked after. In this scenario although there was gritting of teeth it is clear to any family lawyer that the future bodes well for this family as they were willing to compromise even when it was hard to do so. This is the secret to getting the most out of the family law process.
