TAKE A BREAK – TAKE A HOLIDAY
If the stress at home is getting too much why not go stay with friends and family for a while. Getting away can release steam from the situation. Perhaps you should plan forward and book a holiday for yourself and the children to let the stress out of the situation.
BEWARE OF WHO ADVISES YOU.
In all my years I have yet to come across one piece of family law advice that someone picked up from a friend, colleague, at work or in a bar that was true and accurate. I still wait for that day to arrive and when it arrives I will celebrate. Take everything friends, family and even people who have been through the family law process tell you with a massive pinch of salt. Why?
They mean well but sometimes the mission objective can get lost in translation.
Third party views are second hand information. It will be “THEIR” version of events. Inevitably and almost in all scenarios the detail is lost in translation. For some reason human experience of traumatic events leads us to paint the account in one direction. Even the most objective people find it hard to tell the wood from the trees in family law.
You can take the most intelligent, most reasonable and most honest group of people and ask them to recount a traumatic event in their life. The will focus in on the details that were real to them but inevitably due to human nature it will be an incomplete version of events. The only person who should truly remain objective is the lawyer.
GETTING TO THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL
Date: Wednesday April 22, 2009Posted in: Uncategorized
GETTING TO THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL
How will you appear to those around you at the end of the family law process? Someone who fought needlessly and caused needless aggravation? Or somebody who went the extra distance as a person to find a solution.
One day when the adult child of a separating couple stopped me in the street. He recognised me from being introduced by his mother some years before. He said he knew his dad had given his mum the vast majority of the assets and that the marriage breakdown had hurt him bad. But that his mother was grateful for what his father done and their relationship was now somewhat better now.
The other children all were proud of the fact that despite he had ended the marriage he still took the responsibility to make sure his wife was looked after. In this scenario although there was gritting of teeth it is clear to any family lawyer that the future bodes well for this family as they were willing to compromise even when it was hard to do so. This is the secret to getting the most out of the family law process.
LAWYERS – DO I REALLY NEED ONE
Not always, but pretty much most of the time. It also very much depends on which county or state you live in. Truth is that is the most honest answer from anyone who really knows family law will give you. The greater the complexity of the issues in your relationship ending, the greater the amount of family law issues the more you need good legal advice as a rule of thumb.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
If you have been the victim of domestic Violence you should contact the relevant authorities in your area to ensure your own safety. Then after securing your own immediate safety go seek legal advice.
THE DANGERS OF SELF DIAGNOSIS AND BECOMING ONES OWN LEGAL ADVISOR
Date: Wednesday April 22, 2009Posted in: Uncategorized
THE DANGERS OF SELF DIAGNOSIS AND BECOMING ONES OWN LEGAL ADVISOR
The old adage of “a little knowledge is a dangerous thing” really applies in family law. I have encountered over the years the occasional client who sees two episodes of Family Law on TV and suddenly becomes an expert on their own case. Remember each case is unique and has its own facts. That’s why you should get good legal advice before you decide to do any thing.
FACING UP TO MY OWN SHORTCOMINGS.
Whatever you do, please look out for yourself. I do not care how bad you think you have been or how you have acted. As a person with all your flaws and weaknesses you still owe it to yourself to get to the higher ground and find stability in your life.
There are so many people out there who will put you down without you having done anything wrong to start with. Even if you believe you have acted very wrong its not going to fix anything by giving yourself a hard time. The best thing you can do is step back take a deep breath and resolve yourself to becoming an agent of good Karma. It can be done. Yes, I know its not easy and the pain can be almost unbearable for some people but bear in mind experience tells us that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I see it every day in the people who have come back to me. They started out with the worst stories you could imagine, abuse, violence, infidelity, mental cruelty, silence and unrequited love. Sometimes they were the perpetrators, sometimes the victims. But in the end they got to a better place. Not perfection. Not a cure to all ails but a place where they could live with themselves and begin to live again. If you are reading this and find the hurt unbearable I tell you can get to that better place. It will take time and it will take assistance but it can be done. That’
s why there are people and professionals out there to help you.
Invariably, people move on with their lives and even found some form of middle ground and amicable resolve with their former partner. If there is no prospect of fixing the marriage then the ultimate mission objective of the parties involved must be to find a positive solution.
This is sometimes the hardest thing to do where somebody has hurt you or let you down.
FACING UP TO THE END OF THE RELATIONSHIP.
Perhaps you are devastated scanning through this web site. Or perhaps you are filled with a sense of hope of moving on to a new chapter in your life. People ask me in all my time as a lawyer have I ever saved peoples marriages . Yes, it is has happened. However, these people were very much in the minority over the years. It is very hard to put aside serious differences be it adultery, addiction or a lack of communication. I have seen people rebuild their marriages after traumatic events. I have an immense amount of respect for these people.
It is a very hard thing to do. Sometimes it is not possible to put all the pieces back together. Change is a part of life we must accept.
The family law process can be traumatic but remember it can offer people a new start they did not expect in life. The vast majority of people come back at the end of the family law process to tell me about how they have moved on. Some people have described the experience as like having a weight lifted off their shoulders. I believe the lifestyle you lead before, during and after your divorce/separation will shape your personal life to a great degree.
FAMILY LAW IS NOT ABOUT WINNING
A colleague once told me that in all his years in family law he met a lot of people who lost out badly in contentious family law cases. He never really met any winners. If you have two persons leaving the settlement talks unhappy, but able to move and live with themselves chances are on average you have obtained a good result for both of them.
That statement alone should give you a clue to getting a good divorce. Compromise. I’m not saying concede everything. I am saying allow space for the other person in the mix. I can hear people saying “that’s rubbish”, he/she ran off with another person. Why should I leave any space here.
The best results in family law are built on positive building blocks.
Perhaps there are lawyers or colleagues out there who agree with this and also recognise that sometimes in good family law the duty of care towards the parties involved is a greater one than to just their client alone. The duty we owe clients is a greater one in the sense we must consider the family and other party in giving our advice.
What we advise can affect several people outside of our client. The truth is that the term family law is really deceiving. It encompasses law but operates to a different set of rules and goals to other areas of law. It has a whole moral and human dynamic weaved through its fabric that is not apparent in other walks of life.
FAMILY LAW – THE NEW OUTLOOK
Remember, a good Divorce or legal Separation is like building a good house. It has to be built on good foundations. Be structurally sound throughout and be able to weather the storms and hurricanes life will throw at it. The same applies to your own personal Divorce or family law separation.
Its not just about four walls but about the roof and the windows too. Divorce is not about one person. At the very least it involves two people and sometimes can involve children and dependant members of a family. An elderly parent, an aunt or a disabled child perhaps.
Each element of the structure must be given time and consideration and craft to get a positive result. You could build that house on your own but that depends on how good a builder you are. Perhaps it would be better to get a trained family law professional to build that good Divorce with you
